Do You Have To Be Coupled To Give Good Dating Advice?

AA046999“Why should I take dating advice from you? You’re single.”

This is a comeback I’ve heard many times for the six years I’ve been writing my advice column, And That’s Why You’re Single.  Apparently, in order for a woman who writes about dating to be taken seriously, she needs to have a man to trot out or cite as evidence that she knows of what she speaks.

My answer to this pointed question is quite succinct. I don’t need a man in my life in order to practice common sense and critical thinking. People throw the fact that I’m single (as far as they know) in my face to try and discredit me.  This one query reveals quite a bit about the person posing it. Namely, that they consider a woman’s ideas and opinions invalid unless she has a man by her side to validate them.

This question isn’t really a question. It’s an attempt to minimize my thoughts. The point of the inquiry is to shame me. Apparently, a woman who isn’t constantly looking for excuses to talk about her relationship is considered suspect.  [Read more...]


Everything About Beyoncé Is About Power

Everyone agrees that Beyoncé killed it at the Super Bowl. There’s no loved-it/hated-it debate out there—no one could argue that it was anything less than Awesome (yup, capital a).  And look at how worked up everyone got on Twitter (including Oprah, Michelle Obama, and Martha Stewart)! But, of course, there is debate. Sadly, some critics still find the need to pick apart and judge this woman for things that at this point are becoming quite sexist—not to mention boring.

First, there’s the focus on her wardrobe rather than her music (really, we’re still doing this?) There was some analysis basically saying the slut-shaming analysis of her wardrobe wasn’t the issue (though it still focused on that). And then there were just the crazy people who just flat-out called her a slut. (This is but one of myriad examples; I choose not to direct traffic to any others). 

There are two ways for female pop stars to appropriate themselves in performance: The way that gets the public to look at their bodies as a form of marketing, selling sex first, product second (early Britney Spears, The Pussycat Dolls). And the way Beyoncé, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Christina Aguilera and P!nk (not to mention the Riot Grrrls before them) do it: As a middle finger to that gaze.

During the half time show, Beyoncé’s wardrobe was armor. When she stepped out into the lion’s den of masculinity and jock culture that is the Super Bowl, she wasn’t timid. She stomped her feet and popped her collar, signifying that they’d better watch out. My new favorite writer over at Patheos.com says it brilliantly: “That a Black woman claimed and owned her power during the misogynist, consumerist celebration known as the Super Bowl only highlights Beyoncé’s brilliance and boldness.” [Read more...]


Links for Sexy Feminists: The Good Men Project Gone Bad, Feminist Charities Need Your $, More

So-called feminist blog The Good Men Project has really gone downhill, says SalonFeministe offers an insightful breakdown of how things went wrong, and it’s everyone’s loss: we all need the male feminist perspective. Why? The Guardian provides a saddening example.

My A is for Angry: If reading all that annoyed you, donate to A is for, an awareness campaign for women’s health issues and feminist activists.

‘But I followed the dress code!’: The hidden dangers of slut shaming and the modesty police.

‘I Don’t Want Kids’: Letting people know you’re childfree by choice at Jezebel.


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