Writers Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich turned their string of bad dates with scruffy guys in skinny jeans into a blog, and now a book, called Stuff Hipsters Hate. Here, Bartz tells us why hipster dudes far outnumber hipster ladies, how hipsters feel about feminism, and what the sexist masses thought about women blogging for hipster-dom.
Sirens: You guys based Stuff Hipsters Hate mainly on your experiences with hipster men. What’s the number-one lesson you’ve learned from dating these too-cool specimens?
I’ve learned that if you don’t stand up for yourself and refuse to deal with bullshit behavior, hipster dudes will just continue to do it. One of my friends went on a magical first date with a shiny, perfect-seeming hipster guy. They shared a perfect good-night kiss and he promised to call. Fast forward to a Tuesday evening when, after three weeks of radio silence, he sent a text casually (and sans any apology or hint that there’d been a problem) asking her to accompany him to a party that night. She desperately wanted to say yes (after all, he was really hot and what other prospects did she have?), but I made the point that if she said yes, she’d just teach him that it’s completely OK to blow a woman off for three weeks and then get to make out with her again, consequence-free.
There are similar forces at work when a guy ghosts on a girl after dating for a few weeks or months — most women just let him go softly into the night, which just reinforces his delusional line of thinking that it’s A-OK to end a relationship that way. (Quick sidenote to say that I know hipster women ghost on dudes, too, and that’s equally uncool. I’m just much more familiar with this Disappearing Dude scenario.)
I’ve actually sent kind-but-honest emails along the lines of, “It’s fine that you don’t want to hang out anymore. Just know that in the future, rarely will a girl freak out if you break up with her. It’s a much more respectful option than just quietly disappearing.” If we don’t expect men to treat us like human beings (or, hell, require it), guess what: They won’t.